For myself, the only complications I had during my pregnancy were hyperemesis gravidarum and sciatica so when Ruth entered the world after a 20 hour labour, I was relieved not to have these symptoms anymore and I was most definitely on cloud 9.
About two hours after I gave birth I was up and showered, and on my way to the maternity ward with my tiny bundle and my mum who held my hand through the whole experience (David went to pick up his son, Corey, at the time I was transferred up to the ward). I was told I had to stay in the hospital overnight to establish breastfeeding properly. I didn't particularly want to stay in overnight but if that was what the midwives were recommending then who was I to argue. The next day we got to go home and we were no longer just a family of 2 (3 part time). We had this fragile baby to look after and cuddle and give all of our attention to. The first few days were amazing and I was still on a high from giving birth. Then the baby blues hit. All I wanted to do was cry and I had no idea why. I cried at adverts on the TV. I cried at the fast food delivery driver who forgot to take his tip. I cried at everything that didn't deserve the tears.
The amount of visitors we had in the first week of bringing Ruth home was overwhelming. I stupidly decided to throw a little party for Corey's third birthday in my house, even though I had literally no energy to do anything but sit on the couch and watch Supernatural. When the visitors came over for his birthday, I hid up the stairs because I felt the stress building at the thought of having to entertain all these people in my home. I felt I had to apologise when people were leaving because I had been MIA, but the truth was, they all understood and told me not to be so silly.
The busy first couple of weeks had passed and I was still feeling really down and tearful. I put it down to lack of sleep and didn't want to think of any other reasons because for me, Postnatal Depression was one of my biggest fears. I felt I would be classed as a bad parent if I had this illness and that people would judge me.
The health visitor came out at 6 weeks postnatal and I was ready for her to ask me how I was feeling. They have a particular test that they give out at this time after giving birth and I was ready for it. But it never came. And deep down I knew I should have told her how I was feeling but I ended up keeping it to myself, stupidly.
It ended up getting worse the more I kept it to myself. I remember one evening I had stood and cooked a really nice homemade meal for a fussy 3 year old. He didn't like the broccoli in it. I ran upstairs and cried because I didn't feel appreciated. That was the last straw for me.
I went to the doctor for my 8 week postnatal checkup and told her how I was feeling. She was lovely and made me feel so good about speaking about it. I'll admit I also cried while telling her how I felt but she told me not to worry about it. Postnatal Depression affects more than 1 in 10 women after giving birth. There are different treatments for the illness. You can choose self-help, psychotherapy or medication. For me, I felt the quicker I was back to my old self the better so I got given 20mg of Citalopram to take once daily. So far, at almost 4 months post baby, they are working well. Another thing that I find is really helping me is exercising because it releases happy hormones that make you feel amazing, just like if you were to eat chocolate of have sex! But of course, most of us really don't feel like hopping back onto the saddle so soon after having a baby..
Key things you need to remember:
- You are not a bad parent!
- You do not need to feel ashamed because you have this illness! It is common and can be triggered by a lot of factors in your life. For me it was simply the 'baby blues'.
- Do not keep your feelings to yourself. You will feel a lot better if you just talk about how you're feeling with loved ones or a professional.
- This is not your fault. It can happen to anyone.
- Having a baby is life changing. It's OK to feel stressed and overwhelmed
- Accept the help!
If you think you may be suffering from Postnatal Depression then take a look at this survey:
https://psychology-tools.com/epds/
KEEP SMILING
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