This might sound pretty silly, but when I was little, I never used to question why I only had one parent - my mum. I always sort of thought that only one person created life and because at this time I was only about 7 or 8 years old, I was obviously a bit young for the 'birds and bees' chat from my mum, so I didn't know any better.
It had always just been my mum, my sister and myself. The three musketeers. Us against the world.
Then one day when Lauren and I were at our grandparents house, they showed us pictures of our 'Dad'. Some friends also made us feel really upset by telling us we were stupid to think that we didn't have a Dad, because everybody HAS to have one. It's how we're made. My mum ended up having to tell us about him because now we were so confused. She wanted to tell us in her own time, not to be forced by someone else.
I remember crying when she told us. I'm not sure why I cried. Maybe I was scared. Scared of it suddenly not being just the 3 of us anymore. She told us that we met him when we were 1 year old. And that was the first time he had taken any interest in us. He hadn't asked about us since. We reassured her that we didn't need a Dad. After all, this incredible woman single-handedly raised us from the age of 18.
One day, when we were 14, we got home from school and my mum sat us down and told us that our grandma had passed away. We were devastated to say the least. She then went on to tell us when the funeral was and also that our Dad will be there. I was a little frightened. Was I going to have to meet him? Could I avoid this situation?
Then she dropped another bombshell on us. We had 3 brothers and a sister.
All I could think about was 'How could he keep having children when he wasn't bothered about the ones he already had?' 'What's wrong with us?' 'Are we not good enough?'
Based on these questions swirling around in my mind, I made the decision not to meet him at the funeral, and instead I left through the back door. Lauren, however, thought this was an amazing opportunity and clearly didn't have the same thoughts as I did. How could she be so in awe of someone who wasn't phased by our existence for 14 years?
Two years later, he came up to visit us. I built up the courage to go along too this time. I was mature enough to handle it. We went out for dinner and all I could feel was awkwardness and as if this just wasn't 'right'. I really wanted to get to know my long-lost siblings and keep up with what they were doing so my Dad and I swapped numbers.
We would text every so often and I would always ask when he was coming back up to visit with the kids. The response was always that he couldn't get time off work...But then Facebook showed me that he managed to go to 'Alton Towers' and 'Thorpe Park' for days at a time with his better children. I started to get disheartened by this, so wasn't rushing to text him back when he got in contact.
The next time he visited, he brought up our newest baby sister. And again I thought 'Why are you still having kids?'
It took him about 5 years to visit again after that. Maybe longer, I've lost count. This time though, everything has changed. I've gotten used to his bullshit excuses and don't bother to check in very often because whenever I did, it was very short lived conversation that ended up becoming him bragging about his life with his perfect children and devil-wife. This week he was here. The last time I spoke to him was November when I decided to tell him about my pregnancy with Ruth and that she was due in March. Of course, this conversation was quickly turned into something about his life. He never told me he was here at all, but he had told Lauren about it. He didn't even text me to wish me a happy birthday for goodness sake. But he texted Lauren. WE'RE TWINS. He had dinner with Lauren twice this time and I although I didn't really want to be there, I felt a little bit jealous at the fact I hadn't even been asked.
Do you think that stopped me from going to my grandads house where they were staying? NOPE. I drove down, adrenaline pumping ready to confront him about his attitude towards me in a previous text. He had the cheek to say I had ignored him for the last year. He hadn't made any attempt to contact me in this time. When I got there, he had his 'perfect Dad' attitude like butter wouldn't melt. But then I realise it's because the kids are still awake. He puts them to bed and we talk. I told him I want nothing to do with him. He said 'That's fine'. I told him I didn't appreciate him telling my sister that he didn't know I was pregnant. He said 'I don't care'. I left in tears of anger. I've never seem him in the rose tinted glasses that my sister seems to have.
But then I think to myself 'I don't need this horrible human being in my life'. My Mum has reunited with an amazing man and I couldn't be happier for her. His name is John and he has been there for me more in the 5 years he has been in our lives than my Dad has in the 22 years I've been alive.
Have you ever been really disappointed and hurt by a long lost family member? What did you do?
Let me know in the comments section.
KEEP SMILING :)
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